~15 december 2001
i am in a house with my friend John, and the
actor, Josh Brolin..... Josh asks me to hold out my hand, and so
i do, and he sticks me with a five pronged pin, on the tip of my
middle finger... i pull away, and ask him why he did that, and he
doesn't answer me, and i look at my finger, and there is a trail
of blue dye that is flowing up my veins
i run out of the house, to ask for help from
neighbors, but no matter who i go to for help, they bring me back
to John and Josh's house..... i come to find out that everyone is
in a cult, and the leaders are John and Josh
i begin to get these horrible pains in my
stomach, and i start to bleed from my vagina, and John and Josh,
scoop up the blood, and rub it on them
heh... don't ask... i just dream this stuff
~9 september 2001
i dream that i am being held captive
by a serial killer, who removes all the teeth out of my mouth,
and then places each one in a red Christmas tree ball, and attaches
each ball to a black balloon, and sends the whole mass of them
sailing up into the sky..... the balloons pop, and fall to the
ground, but the Christmas balls have gotten smashed, and i dig
frantically in the ground, trying to retrieve my teeth, but i do
~19 june 2001
i go to bed that night, i have a dream within
i am all alone in a high school auditorium
there is a guy behind a podium, confessing to me that he is responsible...
his name is Michael, and he lives in Johnston, RI
he is about 17 - 22 years old, pretty thin and he has a long-ish curly mullet
that is medium brown with red tones
i go to the police, and tell them about my
but they just humor me, and send me away
a few days later, they catch the murderer
it is the SAME guy from the dream within the
~29 may 2001
i was driving around in a car, with
some people that i didn't know we were in a rather bad neighborhood,
and the car broke down we were debating whether to stay in the
car until morning
or get out and walk.... hoping for the best
we opted to push the car into the woods, and
wait until dawn
it was rather warm, so we were sitting on
the hood of the car, talking we saw headlights, coming down the train
tracks where we were the car stopped, and some rather seedy looking
people got out they started to poke us.... at first with small ojects
like pencils, and then larger objects such as the point of a closed
umbrella we got scared, and ran off into the woods i was running
with this guy, and another girl
we came upon this cathedral, in the middle
of the woods
we banged on the door, and a black minister answered
we told him that we were being chased by criminals,
and he told us that we could hide in the attic of the church
we made our way to the attic, and we were
i was holding hands with the girl, and we were crying
then, one of the guys who were pursuing us, came running up to the attic i
was in a state of panic, and couldn't think straight
then, he held a gun to my head, and suddenly i felt very calm
i wasn't afraid anymore i looked to the girl whose hand i was holding, and
she had a large hole in her head
we had both been shot
i then started walking around, exploring the
it was nice to be free from the panic, and from all things that bother me being
dead, wasn't so bad
i went to the basement, and there was a library
the librarians told me that i was not allowed in the library
because i had written defamatory remarks against Native Americans and the Irish.
i tried to explain to her that i am both Native American, and Irish so i would
never do something like that she said that i would have to talk to the administrator
of the library
she led me to his office he was a quiet Asian
man, in his 30's, and very conservative looking he started to ask
me why i was defacing library property i told him that i didn't do
and the next thing i knew i was on top of his desk, while he performed oral
sex on me
i remember thinking that it was the best oral
that i have ever had
~25 may 2001
i was invited to a wedding reception,
and i wasn't sure if i wanted to go or not, because i don't have
any "normal" clothes for such an event... but later i
changed my mind and decided to go... i wore my usual style of clothing....
i went to the reception, and i kept bumping into one of my ex boifriends, and
he was with this very conservative looking girl, so i said hello, and kept
trying to avoid them... i kept noticing that the laces on my boots would
come untied every few minutes, and so i was forever bending down to try to
i made it to the main reception area, and i noticed that there were all these
older, overweight women in "mother of the bride" type dresses,
and they were dancing..... and then i noticed that the only other people
there, were all these babies..... that were under the tables...... in cages
~21 april 2001
i saw someone walk by the doorway of the living
room, but when i went out in the hall to look, there was no one there...
this apartment was REALLY weird looking... it had huge chunks of
inner wall that were missing, and in the alcove, there was an antique
clock that played old music, and movies of dancing dead people on
a small screen on its side... there were also pieces of the door
and outer walls that were missing as well...through one of these
openings, i saw that person again, wandering around the hallway,
his arms cradled, as if he were carrying something....
he was an odd looking man... tall and thin, with long yellow/grey hair that
was balding in the front, and thinnng everywhere else, and he had on a pair
of burnt orange colored velour pants, with a rust colored sweater...
i started to get a bit freaked out by him, but i was also fascinated by him
at the same time... i asked him what he was doing, and he told me that he
was here to collect the dead body... because of the small, delicate position
of his arms, i concluded that he must be looking for a dead child, but since
there were no children in the building, i became confused...
i asked him what the weight of the body was that he was looking for, and he
answered "128 pounds", and he started to come towards me..... i
became frightened, and i grabbed one of my cats for comfort, and then i quickly
told him that he should look elsewhere because i don't weigh 128 pounds.....
and...... he opened his arms and came at me and said " but you do, when
you are holding that cat"
~2 april 2001
then i became aware of someone's shadow standing over me, and i looked up,
and it was River Phoenix... he was just standing there and looking really
sad, and he kept shivering, so i asked him what was the matter.... and he
just kept telling me that it was very cold where he was.....
and then he asked me where i would like to live, if i could go anywhere, and
i said that i would like to live in Washington State... and he replied that
it is very cold in Washington State, and that he was already too cold....
and then he kept asking me to hold him, because he was so cold....
and then, suddenly, he asked me if he could go into the house to "make
some sun", and i was a bit confused, but i told him that he could go in
if he wanted to
so.... he went in the house, and after a few minutes, the whole house exploded
like a nuclear bomb, and it mushroomed into the sky, and then formed a huge,
~31 march 2001
i am in a field, and the grass is growing
over my head.... i look above me, to see the sky grow black, and
there are fluorescent birds flying in that sky.....
then..... i am laying on my back in the same
field, but the grass is now of a normal length.... there are other
bodies laying all around me, and i realize that they are all dead...
there is a woman standing over the bodies.....
going from one to the other.... and one by one, the bodies who have
been visited by her, get up and begin to walk and sing.....
i grow curious, and follow this woman......
i see her kneel down before one of the dead
bodies, and open its mouth.... i see her kiss the lips of the dead,
and just before her lips meet theirs, i see this small, wriggling
thing coming out of her mouth....
ask her what that is, and she turns to tell me that it is the "worm of life".....
i am back in the field with the tall grass,
and the black sky, and the day glow birds..... i hear singing all
around me, but i cannot see from where it comes
9 February 2001
i am outside, and it is night time, and i
am searching through other people's trash, looking for antiques
i come upon, what i assume to be a find.... a huge jar, filled with quarters,
and an old, black doctor's bag
i quickly look inside the bag, and i see that there is some sort of velvet,
patchwork quilt in there, and i am really happy, because i have always wanted
i bring everything home, and inspect it more closely, and as i take the quilt
out of the bag, i notice that there is, what i guess to be, red paint on
it, and i am disappointed that the beautiful quilt is ruined...
i then take the quilt out of the bag, and i realize that it is not paint, but
fresh blood, and i open the quilt up, and find a freshly removed human heart....
and it is still beating